Horror fiction is, quite frankly, one of the coolest genres of fiction. But, if you’re new to this genre, the wide variety of different types of horror stories out there can be confusing.
Well, fear not! Here’s a handy quiz which will help you to work out which type of horror fiction you will enjoy the most and which authors you should read. So, get a pen and paper and let’s begin….
(Oh, who am I kidding? This is a cynical quiz for horror fans……)
Question One: There is something in the shadows, what is it?
A) A cosmic horror from beyond time and space that can drive even men of science to the depths of insanity.
B) A horde of giant flesh-eating rats.
C) An unquiet spirit, roused from it’s grave to haunt the living.
D) The distinctive amber glow of the end of a clove cigarette.
E) Robert Pattinson.
F) An unquiet spirit, roused from it’s grave to eat the living.
G) A human, infected with a rabies-like virus.
H) An evil clown, hiding in the drains.
I) An indescribable, yet sentient, mass of living tissue.
Question Two: You’re going on holiday, where do you go?
A) The mountains of Antarctica, to investigate some mysterious caves.
B) The British countryside.
C) A charming old rural mansion.
D) A graveyard, because holidays are for posers.
E) Nowhere, because you’re in high school. A crappy high school.
F) A cabin in the woods, near a graveyard.
G) Any major world city. But, almost inevitably, somewhere in America.
H) Maine. Anywhere in Maine.
I) Holiday? I’m too busy in the lab to take a holiday!
Question Three: You’ve got a hot date, things are going great. But, your date turns out to be…
A) A strange woman called Aesnith, who doesn’t seem to be quite herself.
B) A nymphomaniac or a serial killer. Or both.
C) From a prestigious family with a troubled past.
D) A very cute guy who wears lots of eyeliner and reads poetry to you.
E) Robert Pattinson.
F) A woman called Barbara. They’re coming to get her…..
G) Infected with that horrible new virus that you saw on the news recently.
H) Totally ordinary. What did you expect?
I) Growing an extra pair of arms.
Question Four: You are about to die, how do you die?
A) Nobody knows. All that is left is a mysterious account of your last moments.
B) In an inventively gruesome fashion.
C) Of pure fright.
D) By meeting an oddly cheerful woman dressed in black, she’s wearing an ankh necklace too.
E) You don’t. There is nothing but eternal suffering.. Sorry, I mean marital bliss…..
F) Your brain is eaten. But, hey, life goes on….
G) Your brain is eaten. Because, well, some things never get old….
H) Violently, but not too gruesomely.
I) You are absorbed.
Question Five: You are walking through the desert and you see a tortoise. You turn the tortoise on it’s back, it’s belly baking in the hot desert sun. Why did you do this? Why did you do this, Leon?
…Ooops! Wrong quiz! Don’t worry, it’s just a test. In fact, I have the questions written down right in front of me…..
Question Six: You’re listening to some music, what are you listening to?
A) A gramophone record of mysterious incantations.
B) Heavy metal from the 1980s \m/
C) Classical music.
D) Something dark, ambient and nihilistic.
E) The greatest hits of Justin Bieber.
F) Seventies pop music or maybe something from the swinging sixties?
G) Something dark, ambient and nihilistic.
H) A band called The Rock Bottom Remainders
I) Something modern. With synthesisers.
If you answered mostly “A”:Lovecraftian Horror – You enjoy melodramatic tales of science gone awry, malevolent occult forces and cosmic terrors beyond human understanding. You should read anything that has been written by H.P.Lovecraft.
If you answered mostly “B”: Splatterpunk Horror – You enjoy visceral and unflinching horror stories which make the “Saw” movies look ridiculously tame by comparison. You should read anything written in the 1980s by Shaun Hutson, James Herbert and Clive Barker.
If you answered mostly “C”: Ghost Stories – The classics are the best, eh? You should read anything by M.R.James, I guess. If you want something a bit more modern (and scary), then check out “Heart-Shaped Box” by Joe Hill.
If you answered mostly “D”: Gothic Fiction – You enjoy atmospheric, and occasionally vaguely vampiric, tales about death and nihilism. You should read “Lost Souls” and “Drawing Blood” by Poppy Z. Brite. You should also try to read “Interview With The Vampire” by Anne Rice, but you can watch the film adaptation instead….
If you answered mostly “E”: “Twilight” – Ok, I won’t be too cynical. You’re obviously interested in something vaguely resembling horror fiction. There’s hope for you yet…
If you answered mostly “F”: Old Zombie Horror – You enjoy zombie stories featuring good old fashioned slow-moving, groaning, brain-eating zombies. You should read “Viking Dead” by Toby Venables, “Double Dead” by Chuck Wendig and “The Umbrella Conspiracy” by S. D. Perry.
If you answered mostly “G”: New Zombie Horror – Slow zombies are boring. And, anyway, if the world is going to be overrun with zombies – then they’re at least going to be able to run. Maybe I’m not that well-read, but this type of zombie tends to turn up in movies and videogames a lot more than it does in novels.
If you answered mostly “H”: Stephen King – Well, he has his own shelf in quite a few large bookshops, so he should have his own entry in this quiz. You’ve got no shortage of books to read here…..
If you answered mostly “I”: Body Horror – You enjoy darkly surreal tales of malleable flesh and strange,unnatural creatures. You should check out “The Hellbound Heart” By Clive Barker, “Parasite Eve” by Hideaki and Sena, “Dead Space: Martyr” By B.K.Evenson and pretty much any film made in the 1980s and 90s by David Cronenburg.
Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed the quiz, I’m not sure if this will be a regular feature or not…..