Well, today’s painting was originally going to be a background picture for a planned Youtube video that I eventually decided against making. It would have been a recording of my “Tool Duel” poem (I’ll include the text of this poem after this picture), but my attempts at putting on a Texan accent sounded just too terrible for Youtube.
This painting is released under a Creative Commmons BY-NC-ND licence, but the poem after it isn’t.
And here’s the text of the poem:
“Tool Duel” By C. A. Brown
It happened one starry night,
Billy Bob and Old Joad got into a fight.
“I tell ‘ya”, said Billy Bob
“You’ll need better tools than this to finish the job!”
Joad was shocked. His tools were his pride and joy.
“Listen here, Billy Bob! I had these here tools when you were just a boy!“.
Billy Bob laughed and called Joad an old fool.
“Old fool, you say? I challenge you to a duel!”
Now, Billy Bob and Joad were a liberal sort,
to duel with guns just wasn’t sport.
So, with a grin on his face that bordered on cruel
Joad said, “I’ll whup your ass with these here tools!”
Back to back, they stood.
Joad with a chisel, Billy Bob with a plank of wood.
Billy Bob went first and struck a pathetic blow.
Plywood ain’t good wood for fightin’, wooden you know?
Joad dropped his chisel and reached for a hammer
“Dangammit, Billy Bob! I’ll slam ‘ya!”
Billy Bob replied with something unprintably vile
as he parried Joad’s hammer with a nearby file.
“That’s fightin’ talk!” hissed Joad
and once again swung his hammer’s heavy load.
Metal clunked and sparks flew,
Joad’s buddy Clem joined in too.
“Hey! Two on one just ain’t fair!”
Shouted Billy Bob as he clouted Clem with a chair.
Alterted by the commotion, Billy Bob’s old buddy Hank
charged into the work station, flailing a crank.
By accident, he caught old Joad in the spine
“That ain’t fair fightin’, ya cowardly swine!”
Gripping his back, Joad reached into his overalls
and stabbed Billy Bob with a cleverly-concealed awl.
Clutching his ass, Billy Bob yelled.
“Ah give up! That hurt like hell!”
Now listen up and listen well,
’cause there’s a moral to this story that I tell.
(It’s really nothin’ fancy, just..)
…Awl’s well that ends well.